Classification Essay Final Draft

The Three Beaners

I feel like I play roulette to earn a living. I’m super dedicated to my position and want to do a good job for the company because I believe in the products we sell. I know Bean products and I use them and I want others to have the opportunity to use a great product. I think you pay for quality and the majority of our stuff is excellent quality. I play roulette when I talk to the 3 types of people who buy and use our products and services. They are all customers and all an integral part of the whole pie though I think some take advantage of the system and have no scruples. Others are upstanding good citizens of earth and some are a little of both. So ring ring in my ear and the wheel is spinning what number will come up on the roulette wheel today.

The legitimizer…we love them. They have a legitimate problem the merchandise is the wrong size/color or we made an error which we occasionally do and we fix that error promptly. Or we guide them to different fit or different product. I love the legitimizer they are polite even when we make and error and know what they want. The want quality and are willing to pay for quality and are in my opinion the optimal customer.

Then there is the fisher….oh the fisher makes my head ache. They don’t know what they want what color would you get do you like this. You always say I like black and end it there if not you will describe for hours in detail 22 shades of pink. Oh please decide and call back but no I must guide them like a child to a decision while holding their hand. I smile and send them good loving thoughts while imagining them falling into a bottomless ravine in that mariner blue parka. Or there is the fisher who wants something but won’t ask they have buyer’s remorse and you have to coerce the reason for the call from their soul. If you don’t want it say so we will take it back that is what we do…we want you to be completely satisfied. The fisher is a middle customer they want quality but they are not always willing to pay for quality. They are willing to pay for quality 70% of the time so they are important too. The fisher needs to research what they want and if they don’t want it please send it back to us. We want you to be satisfied that is why we have the 100% satisfaction guarantee.

The 100 percent satisfaction guarantee I believe may eventually be our demise because it has created the ultimate evilone. The evilone you know them when they began to speak.. I bought these boots in 1955 and the sole is detaching and I want new ones. They are aggressive and usually threaten right from the beginning if they don’t get what they want they will need to speak to your supervisor. That is evilone speak for new free boots because they are not satisfied that the boots lasted 55 years and they don’t feel they got their monetary value from the product. The evilone breaks the blueberry dishes by dropping them from the cupboard and needs a new set and every year in August they call to get a new backpack because the one they bought last August didn’t hold up and they need the new color and design. They are the most dangerous of all customers because they believe in the brand and know we sell quality but they choose to abuse the system and try to get a free lunch or a free pair of boots over and over again with no tact. They know we will give them what they want as we stand behind the product because we are Bean. I try to educate the evil one and perhaps remind them of their conscience but it is just tolerated as noise as I speak.

I’m drowning in a pile of backpacks, old boots, and broken dishes, holding the hand of the fisher praying they choose before I push them down the ravine, and fixing things for the legitimizer hoping he has many friends that will call me back soon. I guess if old LL could sell 100 pair of boots the first year and get 99 back and survive then I will too. We must focus on the one in 99 because one customer at time builds a good reputation. I hope that one will tell their friends about their lovely experience with Bean. So every time you say LLBean how I may help you…you then wait with baited breath hoping one of the 99 friends comes up on my roulette wheel.