Reverse Stream of Consciousness
Thonck , thonck , thonck trickles into my consciousness as I barely hear it over the blaring Nickelback . Angry runner syndrome my trainer calls it when I’m running too hard, too fast pace and banging my feet to that god awful band (his opinion not mine) Then the damn flash cards slips out of my sweat soaked hand. Damn!! Fththwwpppp down the belt but before I could hit that emergency stop thwomp into the concrete wall glasses flying and iPod hanging me and yup everyone is staring. Yup I slipped and that card went into the belt of the tread mill and I ejected off the back before I could stop it at 6.2 mph into the concrete wall of the gym at 9pm or prime time. Yes they are all staring I’d like to say I have never endured this before but over the last 2 years I have passed out 3 times while running and thwomp into that wall making an ass of myself. I’m up in a flash I pod swinging retrieving those glasses and waiving off the would be do gooders. I quickly move directly toward the locker room with my trainer hot on my trail insisting its low blood sugar and I think I have dodged him heading directly into women’s locker but no he follows. I say,” Tony go away I’m good I was studying cards and I dropped it stopped up the belt end of story. “He’s raging at me now threatening to call someone to pick me up and demanding” why are you in angry runner state tonight.” “I’m always in Angry Runner State I bellow back at him.”
Hmmmm…..why am I angry runner tonight? Perhaps it’s the 8 hours I spent doing that damn excel work for the computer class. The endless beeping with no forward progress in the program as I inadvertently hit one less space or period. Or perhaps it the formula I need to enter over and over to no avail to make the damn thing work. So I work the math backward and fit it in their cells (aptly named) and progress ever so slowly and so it goes for 8 solid hours. They call them cells and this my IT Lab is my prison. Why they call it Excel I cannot fathom as I’m not going to excel in this subject for sure.
Perhaps it’s the xeroderma on my hands or maybe it’s the paronychia on my fingernail that is making me angry runner. Yeah a few days ago the medical terminology didn’t disrupt my normal dry skin and infected fingernails and now they are fancy pansy words for those bouncing around in my consciousness like a racket ball. They have a term for everything I’m anxious to learn the one for complete mental collapse. Is there a term for one angered by running?
Perhaps it is the endless pile of chef jackets washed bleached and ironed and promptly dropped in mud in front of my place. Yes that is going to make one very angry executive chef. Maybe it could be the coffee girl who is so sweet and cute but cannot recall a bit of information especially the fact I want 2 sugars in that coffee because it’s my once a day treat and I need that sugar. Please let her find her way to the toasting position and out of my head. I’m a walking talking commercial for anti anxiety medication.
Angry Runner is my salvation! She is the person I become when I run she can out run those med terminology cards, the waiting medical assisting study guide, the exodermises skin, the muddy chef jackets and even that layoff notice sitting in my backpack. She is exactly who I need. Her feet desperately try to outrun the stream of consciousness that is my day racing her to the finish line. Angry runner helps me out run my demons, turns down my mind one level of volume, and for a minute outruns this nightmare paced brain I have and this is my bliss. Angry runner is so different from the real me. She is tough, she endures and she moves on with courage. So every night often at 9pm Angry Runner Races for my sanity and for a brief moment we are one. Then the treadmill stops tonight not of its own accord and then I can face the demons of the day and night again. So after I convince Tony that I’m sane, not hypoglycemic, and super happy I’m allowed to leave my nirvana till tomorrow. Tomorrow no cards and no slips to ruin my utopia I hope!!! Race you to tomorrow and bet you I get there first or my mind may have beaten us both!
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i can relate to that dear! this essay sounds good to me. i know i am no teacher but you are very smart!! We need to start working out together. After what we talked about the other day...i shut my phone off so if you text and i don't answer that is why...thank you for being such an amazing friend cindy. i appreciate it alot. once things calm down a bit i will get in touch with penquis and those places, and hopefully be able to move up there, and be able to say i did this totally on my own. How are you holding up? by the sounds of this...im worried. i can help you with the CPT homework if you need me to. im coming up to bangor monday. gotta meet with goldfine and sally hall and i have an appt at 3. talk to you more about it when im not posting a comment the whole world can read! lol. i miss bugging you with text messages. =] alright well its 2 in the am and i have been working my ass off to catch up in english. stuck on what to write about for the cause essay so im poking around to read everyones in hopes of getting a decent idea. ugh ok i won't make you suffer anymore. haha. you should e-mail me if you aren't busy monday. maybe we could study together or something...well for a little while. my email is blondieisme_69@yahoo.com
ReplyDeletehopefully see you soon.
take a deep breath and remember i am here if you need me. well, ill try to be. lol you are smarter than me. =]
I'm going to take this. I like the tone, the barely controlled, bouncing up and down, headlong-rush style. I like the clear and specific material in the middle.
ReplyDeleteIn a perfect world I'd have you take a scalpel to graf 1 and trim away about a third of it--repetitions, irrelevancies, stuff like that. But the rest of it is so strong, we can dispense with that exercise.